‘Christian women must play the role of interceding for family, leaders and the nation’

Grace Impact Church recently celebrated Mothers’ Day with the theme, ‘An Extraordinary Woman’. Pastor Esther Eseme Unen,resident pastor of the Lagos-based church, speaks with SEYI JOHN SALAU on what it takes to be an extraordinary woman and how women can live a balanced life. Excerpts:

Tell us about the theme of the just-concluded Mothers’ Day celebration. Who, in your view, is an extraordinary woman?

The theme for this year’s programme is ‘An Extraordinary Woman’. As we all know, mothers all over the world are being celebrated and we at Grace Impact Church are not left out. As a matter of fact, the celebration in the church started with a three-day conference which began on Thursday, then a vigil on Friday and the grand finale on Sunday. Today’s woman has to be extraordinary, for the Bible says that by strength shall no man prevail. Women have the responsibility of being mothers, building their homes, building their families, building the society, building the nation and building the world at large. Gone are the days when the only thing for women was to be full-time housewives. I wake up by 4am to make sure that breakfast is fixed for my husband and children and head to the office, then I still ensure that dinner is fixed for the family. Like it is said, the easiest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach; so I wouldn’t want my husband to be eating outside because I don’t like that, so I ensure that there is food in the house. Aside from keeping my home front and job, I still have to minister in the church, I won’t say I am tired and so won’t fulfil my ministerial duty. One has to be an extraordinary woman to achieve all that.

Living a balanced life could be tough; how have you been able to balance things on the home front, church/ministry, and career?

I work in a multinational environment where much is being demanded from me and I just have to deliver and I cannot use my family or ministry as an excuse. In fact, I have to resume at 7:30 am and I am expected to do that every day of the week because I don’t joke with my job; I also do not joke with my ministry. From work I head straight to the church during the midweek services; it is not easy, I must confess, because sometimes I come home worn-out but amazingly, when I mount the pulpit sometimes I don’t know where the strength comes from. I can remember during our Easter retreat, I was really down and I needed to present something in the church and that Friday morning when we got to church, we lodged in the church and when I came in I said to myself, ‘You just have to minister’. By the time I finished ministering, I was surprised where I got the strength from. I have as my slogan, ‘God please give me the grace, Holy Spirit help me’, which has really been of effect because sincerely speaking, it is not easy.

Before I got married I was looking forward to getting married and believed that my own marriage would be a bed of roses and honey all the way, I didn’t believe that marriage had its own challenges and issues. Imagine coming into marriage with such a mindset? So it was a challenge for me but I thank God for my husband; he is more mature than I in terms of marriage issues. I grew up in Port Harcourt and I worked in Bonny; it was after my marriage that I was moved to Lagos and a week into my marriage, I was like, ‘Is this marriage?’ Over the years I have learnt that marriage is a bed of roses with thorns, it has its own challenges and a wise woman builds her home. So when you understand that the success of your marriage lies in your hands, you will make sure that you work it out and above all, your husband is the ultimate after God – so you must respect that as a woman.

If you don’t mind, what exactly was contrary to your expectation of marriage?

Well, having grown up in an environment entirely different from my husband as I was working with the whites and you know how they behave and do things, marrying a typical Akwa Ibom man who believes sitting in the sitting room, having a wife who will prepare all the meals and not assist in anything, I was asking myself if I made a mistake. He said, ‘Forget what you see in home videos, they are fiction and not what happens in real life. You are the wife of my youth and I didn’t make any mistake; I am convinced that you are my wife.’ So those were the challenges at the initial stage of my marriage.

What is your take on a pastor’s wife being a pastor as well? Is it a must?

If you really want to record achievement in the ministry and you want your husband’s ministry to move forward, I think the answer is yes. For me, it was not easy because initially when my husband started the church, I did not join him for one month because I was not ready for the work. I was bothered on how to start, I was concerned that it was not that he was going to pastor an already established ministry, rather he was going to start something new and I didn’t want to be a part of that. So he was going to church alone for one month. Before then, several prophecies had been made that I would marry a pastor and I never liked the idea.

At what point did you become convinced to join him in the ministry?

I had an encounter. My dream was to get married to a man who works in Shell or Chevron since I grew up in Port Harcourt, an oil environment. When my husband came, I said even if he wasn’t working in any of the two companies, he should at least be successful in life. As a single girl, 90 percent of my suitors were pastors, and you know that pastors then were being classified as among the poorest set of people, so I didn’t want to belong in that category. Eventually when I got married to my husband, I was raising my shoulders and saying, ‘The prophecy of being a pastor, let me see it come to pass.’ Then one fateful night he said to me, ‘I think I have a call’ and I said, ‘No way! That’s not possible! I do not want to hear that.’ Coincidentally, I was pregnant then and we were expecting a boy and I said it was the boy that would answer the call, but as for us, no way. Then sometimes at night he would wake up crying and describing to me the revelation of his encounter and I would simply refuse saying that he could never be called. But one day while I was in church on a Sunday morning, God said to me, ‘Tell me any manager in the oil and gas sector who is as rich as Bishop Oyedepo or Pastor E. A. Adeboye.’ I said to myself, ‘That is true.’ I told my husband to go and answer the call and in less than one year, I was posted to Lagos. Even after that, I still refused to follow him and you know how we humans can be doubtful sometimes. Thank God for the Holy spirit, after a month I decided to join him and that was how the journey began, that was how we began this church and that was in November 2008.

How has the journey in the ministry been?

It has been so awesome. The women’s ministry started three years after the church started. My husband, being a focused person that is not easily distracted, has been very supportive of the vision of raising godly women in fulfilling their destinies. We have been able to record the achievements we have through his assistance.

What is your counsel to women generally?

My advice to women out there is that if you are married to a minister, you also need to discover your own ministry because we are individually blessed with gifts by God. On discovering your gift or ministry, you have to put it into good use rather than leaving it dormant. It is when you activate your gift that God will expand it. Women have to rise up to pray. The mother of John Wesley had 12 children and she devoted one hour every day praying for each child. Nothing should take the place of our children no matter how busy we are. So, if we want our children to be great achievers, we must spend time in God’s presence interceding for them. We also need to intercede for our husbands and for the nation considering the time that we are presently in.

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