What women want in men
By The troubling phenomenon of crashing marriages and how to deal with the problem was the discussion at a recent event. The forum clinically x-rayed the crashing marriage crisis with women pouring out their minds and men faulted for many of the marital woes. Seeing the depth of the crisis in the emotion that pervaded the full capacity auditorium, one could now better appreciate why our cities and villages are bristling with delinquents and maladjusted youths.
My interest is in the predisposing factors to marriage collapses in the unmet expectations of what many a woman wants in her man. Many a woman wants her man to be caring, to afford her all comfort and conveniences of life. She wants her man to be loaded in cash and be able to provide her good car to ride shopping and to occasions, to take her to family, friends and office.
Towards her, any woman indeed wants her man to be compassionate. But equally important is that she expects in her man total fidelity in their marriage and must regard marriage as an inviolable contract or compact for life. So, she wants him to have concern, consideration, consciousness and conscience in all matters relating to her existence. Similarly, every woman wants her man to possess candour or candidness. She wants certainty from him, not one chance or oja okunkun or one who jeopardises her future and career. She expects him to have correctness of life choices for her as she also expects him to always exercise caution and demonstrate curiosity in whatever environment they find themselves so that they don’t experience any loss in life.
If however, the family suffers one, every woman wants a man on whose shoulder she can lean one, one who is comforting and is able to give her consolation, not one who gives up in despair or can be easily consumed in frustration.
When a woman finds many of these expectations or values of authority or superiority in her man, she accepts him as her commander, olowo ori mi or baale wa. Affectionately, and respectfully, she defers to him, madam adores him and speaks of him gleefully or proudly anywhere as her sweetheart.
To me, all these vital indices or values are leadership expectations of women which all men must strive to meet. They are what define a man as a mature and strong, ready to take up responsibility or challenge, to lead at home in fending for this family and conquer the world in career, management and government.
The interesting thing is that many of these values are not practices that can be taught in class or school but just mentioned as must haves. They are mostly learnt at home in grooming by mothers not even fathers. Go through the history of many of the greatest men in history and you are not unlikely to find generous pages dedicated to their mothers who taught such men from the cradle or from their laps and bosoms breastfeeding them.
So, the fault of this tragedy of crashing homes goes back to women, or mothers who fail at nurturing their boy children early in life to be caring or responsible husbands. They neglected their primary obligation of motherhood while racing with men who are chasing careers and cash.
Abdulwarees Solanke,
korewarith@yahoo.com
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